i have conversations with my heart

http://mcsweeneys.net/2006/10/30vanorden.html

did you know that the air inside (especially at home) is 2-5 times dirtier (i.e., more polluted) than outside air? this is why we tend to get sick in the winter; we spend most of our time inside during colder months. this leaves cause for concern with airborne germs, but keep in mind that most of the harmful germs reside on surfaces anyway.

i work for a heat/vent/ac distributor. so don't buy into all that air purifier crap. go for a walk outside.

can you tell how bored i am?

friday is my last day at my temp job, about three weeks earlier than when they told me i'd be done. i'm out three weeks' pay. good thing i got that part-time job at delias, at least to hold me over. i guess i just won't be able to do all the traveling i originally wanted to.

i am trying very hard not to be anxious right now but it's very hard :(

i'm going to talk to my boss at my internship about the prospects of getting paid. on the plus side, i am available for more hours there now (and the work is far more interesting). i have yet to discuss pay with delias, tho i requested at least $8 an hour (and i'm looking into a management position).

oh, fuck.

anybody know of any job openings where they work?

i love it when people make fun of nj, largely bc most of their claims revolve around newark and newark alone. i would say camden is a close second.

anyway, the least dangerous (reported) city in the u.s. is actually IN nj! yay for us! the most dangerous city is st. louis.

here's the article:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061030/ap_on_re_us/city_crime_list_glance


anybody live near/around/in brick? any thoughts otherwise?

lol this is what it's like in my house (ratties everywhere! especially crawling on my head while i'm on the phone).

i miss the udel campus. i don't miss the douchebags, 'hos, or school itself, but i miss walking around on campus. it was home. it was more like home than my parents' house ever was.

to cheer myself up, here is a picture of the most beautiful kitty cat in the world. (whom i also miss very much but her pictures make me feel better.)

Action Verbs to Use Sparingly on Resumés.
BY DAVE ASH

- - - -

bastardized
misappropriated
corrupted
pissed away
undermined
blamed
sodomized
obfuscated
extorted
fondled
marred
pimped

FOLLOWING MY CREATIVE WRITING TEACHER'S ADVICE TO WRITE "LIKE MY PARENTS ARE DEAD."
BY ELLIE KEMPER
- - - -

FROM
Autumn Days Are Fleeting

There was a slight nip in the air, and I pulled my anorak closer. The leaves were beginning to turn. Orange, brown, bright yellow. Autumn, I thought. I inhaled deeply, imagining the crisp air filling my lungs. Oh, God. I miss Mom. Why did you take her from me, God? Why did she have to die? She is gone.



FROM
Seven Days, Five of Them Working

I agreed with Cynthia. I did. Four hours would never be enough time to prepare the presentation. There was too much data. There were too many bar graphs. It wasn't our fault. We were told the meeting would be on Thursday; it got bumped back to Wednesday. Oh, God. Wednesday. My dad's favorite day. What was it that he used to call it again? Oh, yeah: Hump Day. I miss Dad so much.



FROM
Reflections on a Lake

"You guys go ahead," I told Timothy. "I'll wait for you at the dock." Timothy nodded. Really, what was the point of my going out on the sailboat, feeling like this? I would bring down the entire party. After all, that's how both of my parents died. On a sailboat. Lakes aren't always as placid as you might think. Lakes kill. A lake killed my parents. Five months ago today. That's when they died. That's why they're gone.



FROM
Comas and Shit

Sometimes I wonder if my mother is ever coming out of this coma. This is horrible, just sitting here and watching her. This chair is so uncomfortable. It's like she isn't even here. It's like she isn't even alive. It's as though she were just—what's that sound? What does that sound mean? Nurse. Nurse! I think we've lost her. I think we just lost my mom to death.



FROM
On Death

Death is inevitable, and everywhere. It will happen to all of us. Just like how it already happened to my parents. I would like to write about something else, but it is nearly impossible. Death fills my every thought. It's not fun to go on living when both of your parents are dead. Especially when you got along really well with both of them, like I did. Sure, we had our tiffs here and there, but, on the whole, we were really polite to one another. How can I write about something as inconsequential as winter snow when I have no parents? It is horrible to live with parents who are dead.



FROM
Wedding Day

"He's not here," I told the priest. "My father is not here to give me away." The priest gave me a dirty look. I could feel my face redden with ire. "He's not here," I growled, "because he's dead."



FROM
Telling Children About Grandparents

"You don't have any," I told Allison for the fourth time that day. "You don't have any grandparents. Your father died before ever introducing me to his parents, and both of my parents are dead. You don't have a grandparent in the world. Because they are either dead or unknown. In my case, they are dead." Allison began to cry, for the fourth time that day.



FROM
Me

It was back to that nagging question: What exactly am I? A mess of bone and flesh. A clump of nails and hair. I am all of those things. But isn't there something more? Hidden in this cage of ribs, deep within these layers of tissue, lurking in these strands of sinew, isn't there a soul? I would like to think so. Otherwise, my parents are just straight-up dead. Deep in the ground, down in the dirt, just ... dead. Dead as doornails. Oh, sweet Lord. Please let there be a soul. Please, God. Please don't let my parents just be dead.

appreciate scarlett johanssen deemed "the sexiest woman alive" by esquire magazine. cuz she's curvy and womanly and feminine and tough and awesome. i love her confident, intelligent attitude and talent. and i love how she's RE-setting the bar.

if i were a guy, she would definitely be my dreamgirl. but as a fellow woman, i think she makes an excellent role model. i wouldn't want to BE her, cuz being steph is awesome, but i would love to be as confident and humorous as she is.

In the UN Intramural League, we're Just 'Dem Bums'

Engineer to lunchroom: So do you guys know if we're officially called 'United States of America' or is it just 'United States'?

413 Pine St
Seattle, Washington

via Overheard in the Office, Oct 25, 2006

After Emptying the Register, the Robbers Attempted to Unsuccessfully Masquerade as Employees

Employee: Can I help you?
Customer: Hi. Yes, may I have a turkey artichoke panini?
Employee: No.
Customer: No?
Employee: No. We don't have those.
Customer: But it's right there on your board. Do you mean you ran out of them today?
Employee: Yeah, that's what I said. Order the other turkey sandwich, it's exactly the same.
Customer: Actually I think I'll just have a salad.
Employee: I'll be right back. [Goes in back room.]
Employee: Did you hear what I just said back there?
Customer: Ummm... No.
Employee: Good. I mean, cause it wasn't about you.
Customer: Ok...

Panera Bread Co.
Tysons Corner, Virginia

via Overheard in the Office, Oct 25, 2006

An Irate Number 8 Refused to Fund Future Episodes of Sesame Street

Accounts payable tech: It's the letter eight. I mean the number eight.

6430 S. Fiddler's Green Circle
Denver, Colorado

via Overheard in the Office, Oct 24, 2006
The Truth Is Just too Explosive

Female coworker #1: I just don't know what to tell my kid.
Female coworker #2: What about?
Female coworker #1: Well, my six-year-old wants to know what's the difference between a lamb and a sheep.
Female coworker #2: Oh, that's tough. What are you going to tell her?
Female coworker #1: I dunno, probably that they are just similar species.

South Research Place
Central Islip, New York

via Overheard in the Office, Oct 23, 2006

You Should Hear her Go off on People Who Say 'Between you and I'

Employee #1: Jane says that she feels nauseous. I think she's going home.
Employee #2: Well Jane should take a course in English vocabulary, because if she feels nausea, then she feels 'nauseated,' not nauseous. To be nauseous is to be disgusting or foul.
Employee #1: You're kinda a bitch.

Hadley Road
South Plainfield, New Jersey

Overheard by: Quitting soon

via Overheard in the Office, Oct 23, 2006


'Fuck You' Was More of a Request Than an Expletive

Manager: Can you gather up the other guys? We have to move a bunch of stuff.
Employee: Fuck you.
Manager: What did you just say to me?
Employee: Fuck you, asshole.
Manager: Are you nuts?
Employee: Fuck you, bitch.
Manager: You're fired. Get out of here.
Employee: I wasn't clocked in. You can't fire me.
Manager walks to computer, clocks him in, says, 'You're fired,' and then clocks him out.
Employee: That's so unfair.

Circle Centre Mall

Overheard by: Shatmandu

via Overheard in the Office, Oct 23, 2006

i just wanted to say to my friends who live in other countries/parts of the country

that wawa is AWESOME

it's a gas/food/convenientstore/rest stop sort of place

better than 7-11 etc.

also, "wawa" is a nickname for "bus" in spanish, i think.

here's a link to their site:

www.wawa.com

i think i'll start growing my hair long again, after all

only in the front tho. another serious a-line.

1.Your Full Name:

2. Age:

3. Single or Taken:

4. Favorite Movie:

5. Favorite Song:

6. Favorite Band/Artist:

7. Dirty or Clean:

8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:

HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...

1. Do we know each other outside of LJ?

2. Whats your philosophy on life?

3. Would you have my back in a fight?

4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?

5. What is your favorite memory of us?

6. Would you give me a kidney?

7. Tell me one odd/intresting fact about you:

8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?

9. Can we get together and make a cake?

10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately?

11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?

12. Do you think I'm a good person?

13. Would you drive across country with me?

14. Do you think I'm attractive?

15. If you could change anything about me, would you?

16. What do you wear to sleep?

17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?

18. Would you go on a date with me if i asked you?

19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?

20. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

"curvy" and "voluptuous"

= sexy?

or

= nice words for "fat" or "attractively larger than average" or "not quite fat"?


your opinion?

i think sexy

but i think thin and healthy is beautiful too

i have this really weird schtick...

if i'm having a conversation with someone, usually someone i don't know very well or just met, and i'm either interested in what they're saying or i like their voice or something, my skin feels tingly and i feel like i have to tickle my palms (and i usually do).

i was just on the phone placing an order for pastries and breakfast finger-foods and while the guy was telling me about their platters, i was lightly tickling my own arms and face.

why do i get the impulse to do this? i find it kind of interesting.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14795639/?GT1=8506

omg this is so funny, and so fucking true!

an online review of rodents from theratingbook.com:


PET RODENTS

Gerbils
First off, this space will not be addressing "gerbilling". You want dirt, go check out Usenet. Now, then. Being a Californian, gerbils are illegal in my area and so have the same exciting air of insurrection as other un-Californian activities such as picking California poppies, keeping ferrets, or refusing to see a chiropractor. I've never actually seen a live gerbil, but they look passably cute in the pictures. So loathsome rumors aside, B.

Hamsters
Hamsters are to elementary schools as Microsoft is to office buildings. These little monsters are nasty, dull, brutish, and short, but every k-12 in North America seems to have one or more, apparently to insure rodent compatibility with every other k-12. The only mitigating factor is that they can do the Huge Cheek Pouches of Food trick, which hardly makes up for things. D.

Guinea Pigs
I'm convinced these guys aren't so much domesticated as trapped. Pet stores often put rabbits and guinea pigs together for petting, and while rabbits are generally pretty blasé about the whole deal, the guineas go into paroxysms of squealing and skittering if you so much as reach towards them. The guineas don't enjoy it, the kids don't enjoy it, and it's dumb. C-.

Mice
While mice aren't, in my experience, terribly affectionate, they are pretty fun to watch when you get enough of them together that they aren't all asleep at once. The problem, though, is that co-ed mouse communes start reproducing at an a rate that makes "breeding like rabbits" seem like a pretty dumb simile. This is nice for pet stores, where most of them go to feed endothermic (read: "scaly") life forms, but not so great for the home game. C+

Rabbits
Yes, I know rabbits aren't rodents. I'm not sure what twisted biological classification excludes them from Rodentia, but my guess is that in order to make themselves feel constantly superior to us former humanities majors, biologists have decided to exclude one species from every obvious class for made-up reasons. Thus, rabbits aren't rodents, pandas aren't bears, daddy long-legs aren't spiders, and news anchors are not, technically speaking, furniture. Leviticus had it right, man. Does it fly? Does it creep? It's a flying , creeping thing, don't eat it, end of story. Anyhow, rabbits. They're mellow, you can housebreak them, B+

Rats
Aw-RIGHT! Rats are the primo rodents to have around. Points to support this thesis: 1) They don't run away, even if you leave their cage open, because they know where The Big Hand puts the food. 2) When you take them out they want to explore, instead of finding a hole and going to sleep. 3) They can be trained to come when you call. When was the last time you saw a guinea pig do that trick? 4) Their scaly tails drive away insecure milksops who can't stand to have a manifestation of their own id explore their hair. Right on! Rats hit a grand slam! A+

a 20-year old sophomore was found murdered under debris Sunday morning after a fire was put out at her apartment in towne court.



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park place apts. (where i live) | elkton rd. | towne court apts. (where the murder and arson occurred)
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we grieve for you and your family, lindsay.

and may the rest of us get through this horrific school year alive.